Friday, November 2, 2012

Relationship between girlfriend and her ex

It's been over two years since I've visited this site. This site was very helpful while being separated and going through my divorce. Fast forward to now. I've been officially divorced for almost two years. While separated, I started talking to a girl that contacted me on Facebook basically because she liked my picture. We learned a lot about each other over e-mail and got together a few times. We were friends for about year before we actually started dating. She didn't want to get involved until my divorce was final.

I have two kids from my marriage. She has one with her ex-fiance. In both cases, our exes wanted out of the relationship because they had "side relationships" going on. We have now been dating for almost a year-and-a-half. Things are good. She has opened my eyes to living life. I look at my marriage and I feel I was living a sheltered life compared to what I'm doing now. It feels great. We have our discussions and an occasional argument but I feel they are healthy. In my marriage, things got bottled up and we wouldn't talk. I think that's part of what led to the split.

Now for the main point: My ex and I have a good working relationship when it comes to the kids. We share custody and are cordial to each other. I don't talk to her much on a personal level but I'm comfortable interacting with her. She is still with the guy from the side relationship. She has never brought him around me but she has met my girlfriend.

My girlfriend and her ex have a different relationship. And I want to know if I'm wrong for feeling like it's too close of a relationship. They chat often. It's usually about their daughter but they do share personal stories with each other...sometimes things that I don't know about her. Last Christmas, I was with her family and her ex had dropped off gifts for everyone. Her mom almost made it a show to make it known that "Ex" had brought gifts. It made me feel small.

Occasionally when my girlfriend has to go to work early, her ex will come over to her place and watch TV until their daughter wakes up so he can take her with him (as opposed to taking her the night before). She pretty much has full custody but he takes their daughter when she works. He brings her coffee sometimes.

I feel like her family is still more connected to him than me. The ex takes my girlfriend's brother places sometimes. He's in the media and has access to things I never would.

On Thanksgiving, they do a walk together with their daughter. Last year was supposed to be the last year they did it together. This year, she asked me to do it but said he would be going too. I respectfully declined telling her that's their tradition.

Last night, I went trick-or-treating with my kids and their mom. She went with her daughter and her ex. I called her to see what time she wanted to get together (her ex was taking their daughter with him afterwards). She said she was going to her brother's. Her ex was going along. So she told me to come to her house later. I said I could meet her anywhere (thinking she would invite me to her brother's) but she just said to go to her house later.

This weekend is her daughter's birthday party. She invited me and my kids along and her ex will be there. I'm comfortable going.

These are just some examples. My girlfriend and her ex seem to be very "chummy" together. They also talk about their relationships with each other. He just broke up with his girlfriend.

I have no reason to believe anything physical is going on. Since she and I both went through the same thing when we split up with our exes, I feel that she feels the same was as I do about infidelity. Should I be worried about how much they interact though or am I just being the jealous boyfriend?

Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/59715-relationship-between-girlfriend-her-ex.html

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